June 29, 2010

Exercise: A four letter word in disguise.

I hate exercise. Period. Finite. 'Nuf said. I know it's good for me. I know every function of my body, brain & soul is dependent on moving my arse. I've been told over and over and over. But, and this is big, it's dangerous for me to exercise. Don't laugh, I'm serious. Exhibit No. 1: went for a walk with my husband, fell on a crack. Splat - down like a sack of wet cement, right in front of the neighbors three doors down out working on their lawn. Painful & embarrassing. Exhibit No. 2: Bike ride with kids, son with asthma decides to stop (for inhaler user) right smack in front of me, on a narrow sidewalk with a busy road on one side and a row of sharp looking bushes on the other. I did get my bike stopped just as it tapped his rear tire, but the son behind me did not stop. You can imagine the rest, I still have the scars. Exhibit No. 3: Packed gym, muscle-headed trainer, room spinning….she's down! Again, painful and embarrassing. You get the picture yet? I could go on if you like. The DVD's, rubber bands, exercise balls, weights, it's endless. What's a girl to do? Dr. Oz (the holy grail of TV doctors) says we need at least five minutes of being outdoors in nature everyday (preferably with green areas and water) and 20 minutes a day of exercise. I live in the desert. So here's what I need: A beautiful park with plenty of trees, green areas, a lake or fountain to walk around, no children, cushioned paths, a sky-dome to keep the temperature at about 70 degrees, said dome should incorporate shade and a sun-blocking agent because I hate the stuff (it makes me sweat). And since this is my fantasy, I'd also like unicorns, deer and other woodland creatures grazing by and faeries flitting around to bring me iced water and blot my brow. Anyone know where I may locate this place?

P.S. - I just bought a kettle bell. I can't get hurt with that. Right?

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